Choosing parents

In metaphysical and holistic teachings, it is believed that we choose our parents. 

I have often been asked, “Why would I have chosen this mother (or this father)? Life with her (or him) was difficult and/or hurtful. I didn’t feel loved.” 

It is true for most people that some, if not many, of their close family members are the most challenging type of relationships. Why would we choose to be raised by a parent who feels like a terrible person?

Soul families work out reincarnational dramas together

We reincarnate repeatedly with the souls of our close family members, which include parents, siblings, grandparents, and relationship partners. We can also reincarnate with close friends and close soul connections we have had in other lifetimes. 

But we don’t always play the same roles for each other. A parent in one life can be a sibling in the next. A grandmother in one life can be a grandchild in the next. A soul partner in one life could be a sister or brother in the next. And so on. 

In between earth lives, when we are a soul on the other side, we can choose to have another life in a physical body. Our guides may know that another earth life is the next step in our soul growth. If so, our Higher Self arranges a meeting with us and our guides. We willingly attend. No one compels us, even though we may or may not think we are ready for another life. Some of us may not want to return to the earth because, in past lives, we got hurt. However, our guides know best. They gently guide us to understand why another earth life is a positive move. We are never forced to go into a new life. Difficult parents are not imposed on us. We get to decide on the circumstances. 

As there is no time on the other side, I call this the meeting in the “In-Between” - the space between lifetimes. It is the ‘place’ where we meet with Higher Self and spirit guides that will help us choose our next life situation. 

With the help of spirit guides, we get an overview of a prospective new life. Because of the hundreds of regressions I have facilitated, I see that there are two main objectives.  

1. Soul growth 

2. Being of service in some way. (This can be done in many ways: careers such as nurses, doctors, veterinarians, the military, teachers, coaches, and healers. There are different types of therapists - mental, emotional, and physical. 

However, a service career is not the only way to help others. The earth needs souls who can empathize and truly listen to a troubled person – and give good advice. Some souls lend a helping hand to those in need. A person whose smile can light up a room and light up a soul can significantly help someone having a bad day. A person who gives warm, healing hugs is truly a soul-helper. I know you can add to this list. 

With the help of our guides and Higher Self, we can make informed decisions about what we want to accomplish in our next earth life. We also choose the parents that will help us achieve soul growth. And perhaps lead us to the service we want to give to others. 

During this “In-between” meeting, we also choose lessons we want to learn. We are shown unresolved karma and choose to balance it. For example, we can reincarnate with those who hurt us in other lifetimes or those we have hurt.  

Soul Growth

Why would we choose to have yet another lifetime with a person who is so hard to get along with? Or who treats us unkindly? 

We choose to be born into an earthly life to grow spiritually and add to our Greater Soul/Higher Self. If we had a wholly blessed life with no challenges, we would not grow. We would not achieve much. We would not learn the lessons of other lifetimes we brought into this one to achieve soul balance. Suppose we hurt someone in another life emotionally or physically. In that case, we may choose to have a person hurt us in that same or a similar way, so we learn how bad that feels and hopefully not do that again. That is soul growth. 

We will choose a family dynamic that helps us accomplish all that and more. 

Understanding the choice of
a difficult mother

I believed I had chosen my mom, but I wondered WHY I would have chosen her. Even as a child, I saw her childish behavior and disliked her for it. She was a hypochondriac, always seeking attention. She never hugged me or expressed love. Life with her felt cold. She treated me like a servant. I didn’t feel loved. 

To understand the choices I made before conception, I regressed myself to what I call “The In-Between” - the space between lifetimes. 

In that unique space, I asked my Higher Self why I chose this particular mom. My Higher Self informed me that Mom had unique creativity and that I would inherit her creativity in my DNA. I would also model it by watching her. This insight brought me to childhood memories of Mom’s beautiful oil paintings, especially birds. She also made lovely flower arrangements. 

In her hypochondria, Mom eventually made herself sickly and weak. She had a huge book called a PDA (Physicians Desk Assistant) that listed illnesses and symptoms. It was her go-to and well-read book. She went to so many doctors through the years, but they found nothing really “wrong.” 

Why would I choose a mom who reveled in being “sick” to the point that she made herself sick? A mom who eventually talked herself into almost total immobility? 

My Higher Self informed me that I needed to be strong and healthy in this life. I chose to live a long and healthy life in order to master everything I wanted to accomplish. Watching years and years of my mom complain so much about perceived illnesses made me determined never to be sick. As for myself, I have quickly overcome some physical problems through my later years that have put others in a walker or having to use a cane. As of this writing, I am 85 and still hike and go dancing on the weekends. 

Another huge reason I chose this particular mom is that I didn’t love myself in some past lifetimes. I needed to heal those lifetimes. So, I made an agreement with my mom’s soul to withhold love so I would, at long last, learn to love myself. She chose to play that role for me because our Higher Selves let us know the importance of doing so. 

That journey to the “In-Between” lifetimes was so powerful. I learned much about myself and why I chose her soul to be my mom. It helped me to have compassion for her and forgive her. 

It goes both ways. Mom has passed, and I often visit her “on the other side.” I learned that she had tremendous soul growth from all the healing help I gave her, especially in the later years of her life.   

Going to the “In-Between” - understanding your next life’s choices

As a shaman healer, I wanted to help people understand why they made their life choices, especially if one or both parents were perceived as not loving or cruel in some way.

Spirit gifted me with a beautiful process that takes my clients to the “In-Between,” to the meeting with guides and Higher Self. During this journey, my client (the soul between lives) reviews the choices proposed by the spirit guides for the next life. 

This healing shamanic journey has helped so many people understand and accept the parental choices they made and the challenges they chose to experience. Visiting the “In-Between” and meeting with their guides has also helped my clients forgive the unforgivable, knowing these were choices made for many positive reasons. 

We are on this earth in many lifetimes. We perceive some experiences as positive. Some are perceived as bad, which can make us feel angry. 

We must get past the feeling that we are victims of our circumstances. 

Earth can feel like a tough place. We must understand that we are the producers, directors, and actors in our own passion plays. And that our soul survives it all and becomes so much more because of our experiences. 

Schedule a session with Tianna to go to your meeting place in the “In-Between.” And discover why you made the particular choices for this lifetime.